Arena Counseling and Wellness

6 Things to Know Before Starting Couples Therapy

Tue, 21 Jul 2026 13:18:06 GMT

Couples therapy helps partners change the dynamic between them. It is not a process for deciding who is right. Most couples arrive asking for better communication skills, but the deeper work is usually learning to hear what a partner means rather than the words they use, and then to believe them. Couples therapy will not make a relationship conflict-free, and it cannot guarantee a relationship continues. What it can do is give both people real tools for the hard moments, and permission to enjoy each other on purpose.

1. Most Couples Ask for Communication Skills. What They Usually Need Is Listening.

When couples come in asking to communicate better, the real work is often learning to listen for meaning instead of surface-level words.

Here is what that looks like. One partner says, "I need help. I feel like I am doing everything around here."

The instinctive response is to argue the accounting. Nobody does everything. Nobody does nothing. But arguing that point misses what is actually being said, which is closer to this: "I feel overwhelmed by all that I am carrying, and I do not feel like I can trust you to help me."

Surface words invite a debate. Meaning invites a conversation.

2. Believing Your Partner Is Its Own Skill

Hearing what your partner means is only half of it. The other half is taking their experience seriously.

Once you begin to hear the meaning, the next step is to believe it. That means taking your partner's experience seriously instead of trying to convince them they are wrong about it.

Too often a partner says "I am hurting," and the response is some version of "nuh-uh."

Believing your partner does not mean agreeing with every detail of their account. It means accepting that what they feel is real, and starting there.

3. Your Therapist Is Not Going to Decide Who Is Right

One of the most common expectations couples bring in is that I will set their partner straight. That is not what couples therapy does.

Couples work is about improving the processes and dynamics inside the relationship. The specific details, the decisions, the modes of being and doing things, are best left to the couple once they can actually hear each other and validate each other's concerns.

As a couples counselor, I am rooting for the relationship and for whatever goals the couple decides on. That means I am not trying to take sides. I am trying to help each person see how they can improve the dynamic they have created together.

4. Good Couples Work Looks More Like Jazz Than Sheet Music

Every couple is different, so the approach has to be able to move with them.

My own approach blends the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Family Systems Therapy. Each couple is so different, and the presenting concern varies so much, that I find it best to be able to pivot and improvise alongside them.

That makes a session more like improvisational jazz than like reading sheet music. The work becomes something we co-create together, rather than me simply telling a couple what to do.

5. Couples Therapy Will Not Make Your Relationship Conflict-Free

The goal is not a relationship without hard moments. The goal is two people who can move through them.

Couples work will not make your relationship conflict-free, and it will not resolve every point of difficulty. What it can do is give a couple the tools to work through the hard moments when they arrive.

One of those tools gets overlooked more than it should: the explicit and intentional enjoying of the relationship. Not as a reward waiting on the other side of the problems, but as part of the work itself.

6. Couples Therapy Cannot Guarantee the Relationship Continues

This is the honest part, and it matters that couples hear it early.

Couples therapy will not guarantee the continuation of a relationship. It will help everyone understand the things going on beneath the surface. It can name what has gone unsaid and give a couple a real chance at something different.

What it cannot do is make something work that both parties do not want to work. I can hold the space and offer the tools. The willingness has to come from both people.

Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy

Ready to Talk?

If you are considering couples therapy in Gainesville, FL or anywhere in Florida via telehealth, Arena Counseling and Wellness offers consultations to help you decide whether it is the right fit for your relationship.

David Weinert
Arena Counseling and Wellness
Call or text: 352-329-2040

8 Things to Know Before Starting EMDR Therapy

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 14:34:27 GMT

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a structured, evidence-based therapy for processing trauma and distressing life experiences. Before starting, clients should know that EMDR does not require recounting every detail of the past, preparation comes before processing, strong emotions between sessions are a normal sign of healing, and the goal is to reduce the emotional charge of difficult memories rather than erase them. Below, a licensed mental health counselor walks through the 8 most important things to understand before your first session.

1. EMDR Is More Than Just Talking About the Past

You do not have to retell every detail of your trauma for EMDR to work. The focus is on how a memory is affecting you now, not on repeatedly revisiting the event itself. Some clients find it healing to share their story in greater depth, and that is welcome. Therapy moves at a pace that honors both your needs and what you feel ready for.

2. You Do Not Have to Start Processing Right Away

Preparation comes before processing in EMDR. Before working on a specific memory, your therapist will spend time building coping skills, establishing a sense of safety, teaching grounding techniques, and helping you understand your nervous system. You always have a choice about what you explore and when.

3. EMDR Can Bring Up Strong Emotions Between Sessions

Between-session emotions, dreams, or new memories are a normal part of EMDR. As your brain continues processing, you may notice new insights, physical sensations, or feelings surfacing during the week. This is not a sign something is wrong. Share these experiences with your therapist so pacing and support can be adjusted.

4. Healing Does Not Always Feel Good in the Moment

Temporary increases in difficult emotion can mean meaningful work is happening. Think of it like cleaning out a closet full of boxes you have been ignoring: the room gets messier before it becomes organized and peaceful. EMDR is highly effective, but the path to feeling better sometimes runs through discomfort first.

5. Trauma Is Not Just About "Big T" Events

EMDR also treats complex or "small t" trauma. That includes chronic criticism, bullying, rejection, difficult relationships, medical procedures, grief, and childhood experiences that shaped negative beliefs about yourself or the world. You do not need a single catastrophic event in your history for EMDR to help.

6. Your Body May Be Part of the Process

Trauma is stored in the body as well as the mind. During EMDR you may notice tension, heaviness, warmth, tingling, or other physical sensations. Paying attention to these signals is part of healing. This is also where somatic therapy often complements EMDR. For clients who want to learn more, we recommend The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.

7. EMDR Is Not Hypnosis or Mind Control

You remain fully awake, aware, and in control throughout every session. You can pause, slow down, ask questions, or stop at any time. Your therapist is guiding your brain's natural ability to process experiences, not "doing something to you." We describe the goal as keeping "one foot in the past and one foot in the present," revisiting a difficult memory while staying grounded in the here and now.

8. The Goal Is Not to Forget What Happened

EMDR reduces the emotional intensity of memories, it does not erase them. The memory remains, but it begins to feel like something that happened in the past rather than something still happening now. As memories are processed, painful beliefs like "I'm not good enough," "I can't trust anyone," or "I'm not safe" often shift. Many clients leave EMDR with a stronger sense of self-worth, safety, and self-compassion.

Frequently Asked Questions About EMDR Therapy

Ready to Learn More?

If you are considering EMDR therapy in Gainesville, FL or anywhere in Florida via telehealth, Arena Counseling and Wellness offers consultations to help you decide if EMDR is right for you.

Kelly Gregory, M.Ed., Ed.S.
President and Owner, Arena Counseling and Wellness
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Call or text: 352-329-2040

Let’s Talk About Negative Self-Talk Taming Your Inner Critic

Sun, 23 Jun 2024 20:22:44 GMT

Learn how to quiet negative self-talk and start practicing self-compassion!

If you have an inner critic living rent free in your head, I’m sure that you know what that means before I even have to explain it. The inner critic is that loud, harsh, critical voice in your head that constantly highlights your insecurities and shortcomings in a way that triggers a sense of anxiety and shame. Instead of being able to learn from your mistakes, your inner critic convinces you that minor errors make you a massive failure. Your inner critic likely throws reason or logic out the window when it criticizes you, and it actively ignores the fact that you are in a life-long process of learning and growing. The inner critic lives to judge and critique you for everything you do that makes you an imperfect (and normal) human.

Taming the inner critic is no easy feat, but here are some tips for getting a handle on that overly negative self-talk that the inner critic feeds you daily.

● It’s difficult to address a problem if you don’t know what the problem is, so acknowledging the inner critic’s presence in your mind and paying attention to what your inner critic sounds like are good places to start. Maybe the inner critic is louder in social situations like when you’re talking to someone new, or maybe it weighs on you more when you make a mistake on a project at work.

● Recognizing your inner critic’s patterns of negative self-talk can help you with challenging the critical thoughts. Questioning the negative messages that the inner critic feeds you daily and challenging the thoughts with evidence to the contrary can help you with replacing that negative self-talk with a more positive and realistic internal dialogue.

● Practicing self-compassion is also a way to combat the inner critic’s negative messages. Try treating yourself with kindness and grace, just like you might treat a friend, and remind yourself that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and growing.

● Changing the way you view mistakes and failures can help you adapt a mindset that is more compassionate and understanding compared to the inner critic’s pessimistic, inconsiderate narrative. It might help to look at setbacks as opportunities for growth and self-improvement.

● Setting more realistic expectations for yourself may help you avoid the inevitable disappointment that comes when you aren’t able to live up to the inner critic’s standards of perfection. If possible, try to avoid setting unattainable goals for yourself or holding yourself to unreasonable standards.

● Having a positive support system of friends and family can be immensely helpful. However, if you’re looking for additional support or if your inner critic is severely affecting your wellbeing, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can offer support and guidance as you embark on this journey to tame your inner critic. You don’t have to go through it alone.

Taming the inner critic is a process that requires time, patience, and practice. Be gentle with yourself as you set out to tackle the negative self-talk that has been weighing you down, and celebrate every win that comes along as you work towards developing a sense of self-compassion and self-acceptance.

The Enneagram

Tue, 15 Jan 2019 15:46:00 GMT

Click the image below to follow a link to learn more about the 9 types. You can also take the RHETI and discover your type by taking the Riso-Hudson Type Indicator.

The Enneagram is a powerful tool for growth and self-reflection. Not only has it helped me personally learn more about myself and how to be a healthier version of me, I have also seen many clients benefit from its wisdom. It is not intended to box anyone in or explain everything, however it can be a great lens and provides a vocabulary with which to describe our internal experiences. It also provides ideas and feedback for growth.

The Enneagram also helps us see our own perspective more clearly as well as the perspective of others and can be incredibly helpful in understanding relationships and the different ways in which we communicate. Click on the image to begin understanding your type!

What Self Care Really Means

Wed, 26 Dec 2018 20:26:00 GMT

"Self care" has become a buzzword recently, but what does it really mean?

Click the image for an insightful article that does a great job unpacking some practical applications for your self-care routine.

Self-care can get overly simplified to bubble baths, massages, and fancy vacations. While these are important, self-care often means doing the thing we don't want to do. It means taking care of ourselves in ways that are often inconvenient or painful. It can mean turning toward the thing we would rather avoid. Self-care can look like setting a difficult boundary, saying no to something, making a phone call made we've been putting off, or confronting an uncomfortable situation. Part of the therapeutic journey is beginning to understand what our emotions are, what they're trying to communicate, and what we need to do to honor and respect ourselves. Click the image above for further exploration of what self-care can look like for you.

Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability

Thu, 10 Jun 2010 18:25:00 GMT

If you only listen to one TED Talk in your life, choose this one.

Brene Brown does a beautiful job of unpacking vulnerability and why it's so important in our lives and relationships.

Vulnerability. It's a word that can make many of us uncomfortable. Often life has taught us that vulnerability is what gets us hurt, that it's to be avoided. Vulnerability, however, is also what allows us to connect. Without it, we are alone and disconnected; this can often be followed by symptoms of anxiety and depression. Connection is essential to our health and well-being, and to get connection, we have to be willing to turn towards some vulnerability. Click the image above to listen to Brene drop some wisdom on this difficult, yet crucial, topic.